I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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