wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
