I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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