i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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