No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
