I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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