after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
