no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
