I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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