Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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