accomplished twins. life is a go
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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