and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
