Someone shit on the floor
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
