I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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