I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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