Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
