Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
