Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
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in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
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You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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