I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
