I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
