Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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