SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I didn't notice because vodka
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
