I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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