I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
