Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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