my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
