There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
