I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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