he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
