Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
