So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
