i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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