I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize