How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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