I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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