fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
