i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
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