I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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