I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
