and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
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