Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
