woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
