Well apparently he's into motor boating.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Im part way to drunk.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
