Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
