mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
