I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We have started to decorate penises.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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