Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
