Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
