Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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