You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
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