im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
