when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Randomize
