You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
