just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
