i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
