Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
