Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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