This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
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also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
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Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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