you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
