fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
