And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
