I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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