I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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