Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
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