is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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