why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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