I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
