Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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