my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
