1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
