How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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