I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
