You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
