The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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