i permit you to call me
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
