my soul wont recognize me after tonight
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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