I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
