There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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