you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
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her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
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My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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