Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize